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[02 Nov 2007|02:07pm] |
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Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm addicted to The Office, the intarweb, and not doing my homework.
I mean, sometimes I do my homework, but I have to really want to do it to do it. Know what I mean? Like right now, I should be doing some homework, but I'm not.
Also, I wish my hair wasn't so crazy in the morning because I really don't like taking a shower every day. Except I like the hot water because my apartment is cold, but that's about it.
I sort of miss this guy called Bryan, and I don't know why. I really want to see him and I sort of hope he goes to this wedding with me next weekend, but I doubt he will. I really really really want to see him though, especially after last weekend when I was most definitely violated and woke up on Sunday feeling entirely used.
I mean seriously, I dont know what kind of pheromones I was emitting, but if anything like that happens this weekend I'm going to be a total bitch and tell them to leave me alone. Seriously.
Maybe I'll finish up my internet escapades, eat some food, take a shower, and go to school to do my homework which will definitely not be done on time, and then I'll just turn it in and start my freaking weekend.
Oh except I have to write part of a paper sometime today and uuuuugh. This is so frustrating. Grad school is WILD.
This guy named Dan and I are going to create our own concentration....Environmental Planning, where we'll take classes from graduate courses in Environmental Science and Energy Engineering. That'll be fun. Luckily he's a good guy and it'll be okay having every class ever in the history of the world with him. Sorta. Probably.
I invited hotAndy to Erik's Halloween party and I really hope he at least stops by. I mean, he lives only a couple blocks away, so yeah. That would be really awesome.
OH! Blueheels are playing tonight at the Subterranean! They're some delicious 2-step, bluesy, folky beat-making folks that emit sexiness to boot. myspace.com/blueheelsrocknroll
It's at 9:30 and it's only $8 and you should go. Seriously, it's ROBBY SCHILLER. He has the most wonderful voice in the whole wide world. No lie.
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[31 Oct 2007|11:58pm] |
I'm giving a lecture on Environmental Justice today with another girl in my Environmental Planning class.
I'm a little nervous. Not going to lie!
But I'm a little excited, too.
Wish me luck!
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[24 Oct 2007|11:17pm] |
Wouldn't it be amazing if:
A guy I knew but wasn't yet completely in love with and I moved away,
(happily)
with a dog, and maybe my cat,
to a house that looked like this:
(beautiful and slightly over-priced in one incredible neighborhood)
in a city that looks like this:
with a job description like this:
Responsibilities will include working with the Sustainable Communities Senior Consultant to populate a market intelligence database that examines the current state of sustainability in Canadian communities. From time to time you may be engaged in project work resulting from the research conducted.
eating at restaurants like this:
Just pack up, empty out the savings account, and go.
Simple as that.
...
These are the sorts of things that I think about and research when I'm sitting at home alone, all day.
Except this didn't solve anything and just made me want to move to Toronto even more, live somewhere sexy, have an amazing job, and fall in love.
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[16 Oct 2007|02:18am] |
i think i'm really depressed. not really depressed, but really like actually depressed.
maybe.
i dont know.
but.
i went home at 2am on saturday because i was bored and lonely.
i hung out with my family and had a little date with bryan.
since i was severely over tired, family time was innnnsane. i was so ridiculous.
we went out for pizza and i think i cried like 4 times from laughing so hard.
also, i taught my grandma what a raptor is. ....was? was. it was hilarious.
then i went over to bryan's and we chilled. then we went to the gas station and bought candy and thennnn we went to see Across the Universe. i had already seen it once, but i had been wanting to go see it with bryan really badly because we found out that if we could time travel, we would both go back to 1962. perfect.
it was lovely seeing it with him, impressing him with silly things i know about the beatles, and eating candy for hours and hours.
we hung out afterwards and (i dont know why i'm typing a play by play but read it or dont) then had back massage time. then it was bed time. and then i left. and on my way home i started falling asleep and man i was ready for bed right then in the jetta. so i called him and told him about the sleepiness and said that he should talk to me while i drove home, since i had a half hour to try and stay awake. he thus demanded that i come and sleep in his sexy bed with silk sheets.
i promptly turned around.
i woke up in the middle of the night spooning him and was like "what the crap!? how did i get here?" and then fell back asleep.
we got up at 5am and bummed around the house.
he's super lonely without his dog. i missed the doggy too.
anyways, then we parted ways and i demanded a real, good, serious hug and went home for more sleep.
but really.
really really.
what is his deal? i dont know.
what is my deal? i dont know.
if i go home next weekend, we're doing to dress up and get drunk. i'm going to be a go-go dancer and he's going to be james bond. it's just our love for the 60s. seriously.
doubt that it will happen, but it would be awwwwwweeesome.
i hate being alone.
i have a 10 page paper due tomorrow at 6pm and i havent even started it yet.
fuuuuuuuuck me.
FUCK ME.
i hate life right now.
gah. fdlfkjafjewaioadsndslksdaoifjdslksdfljfoiewlkfsdfsjl!
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[07 Oct 2007|03:58am] |
Dammit Cubbies, why did you have to win the division!? The Brewers would have never been skunked in the first series of the playoffs. You big gobblygoo of a team, freaking Cubbies. I'm disappointed.
I got home at 5:30am this morning from hanging out. I didn't feel like sleeping so I made coffee and watched the sunrise. I sat at the edge of the pier by my apartment and read Cradle to Cradle and drank my coffee and watched a hot pink sun rise out of the water. It was beautiful.
As I was walking back, I talked to so many people outside, pet a few dogs, said hi to some kids in strollers, and talked to the deli owner. It was a really lovely morning.
After that I went to sleep. Tonight I hung out with friends a bit.
But even with all this, I still can't help but feel so alone.
solutions?
i have none.
none that make sense anyways.
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[01 Oct 2007|05:04am] |
how in the hell does a girl go about dating joe meyer?
he's like one of the biggest mysteries of the universe.
dammit.
pre-party last night he came over and we talked and talked and then had thai food and talked and talked until they kicked us out and then we sat on the couch and talked and talked until we were like holy crap it's 11! let's go! so then we partied. and then he absolutely insisted on driving me home for some wild unknown reason. and then i stayed up to make sure he made it home safe.
and then i woke up this morning with this burning need to know how in the hell a girl dates joe meyer.
so. many. boys. in. my. life. right. now.
so.
weird.
kristin says i'm emitting dangerous pheromones.
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[28 Sep 2007|03:33am] |
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i need some lovin.
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[25 Sep 2007|01:52pm] |
next time, i should try to keep it in when i think things are good.
then maybe it'll stay that way.
drunk bryan=bad sunday=no playtime/jeep adventures=bleh=one.more.chance.
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[20 Sep 2007|12:09am] |
my cat poops on my bed when i'm gone.
he also meows in the middle of the night that it wakes me up.
any suggestions?
he's spayed or neutered or whatever. he's about three. he's orange. and i got him from a big family that always had stuff going on. he's been doing really well up until this week where he's gone crazy and is constantly pissing me off.
i dont even really like cats. he's pretty cool, but not right now.
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| things that might happen. |
[18 Sep 2007|12:40am] |
My life has always seemed to be about things that "might happen." I might get into grad school and I might get a new car and I might really like that guy and he might like me back (the idea of which is seemingly less and less likely). I might really like this guy and we might have had a different relationship had I just asked him a few months ago to hang out. This might be a good thing. I might have slept over at his house last night and it most definitely was wonderful. Not a damn thing happened; there was no kissing, no spooning, no boob-grabbing, no dick-in-back-poking... there was just sleep. Really really lovely sleep where we sometimes rolled into each other, and sometimes we didn't. 5 am came fast, he had to leave for work and I had to drive home to sneak back into my house.
I don't even know where he and I stand. He says really cute things and he has an incredible body and a great sense of humor and is really really living. No matter how different we may be, there is nothing sexier to me than a man that is really living his life.
Are we dating? Are we just hanging out? I don't know. I do know that I wished we would have started hanging out long ago, but alas we've decided that even if we did have time travel machines, we would go to 1962 and not just back a few months. We both drove the same direction this morning at 6am and we talked on the phone for the majority of it and good lord I think I really am going to miss him.
How did this happen? All because I ran outside after him because I thought I might like to get to know him, although I knew the timing was all wrong, because it was after all, three days before I was leaving to come back to Chicago.
Luckily he works road construction, which means he spends his winter bored with nothing to do. Maybe this will include a trip or two to Chicago, the idea of it, atleast, he seems quite set on.
I really (more than) love sleeping in a bed that I'm sharing with someone else. Generally it doesn't matter who it is, but as in any bed-circumstance, it gets much better when you're attracted to the person you're sharing the bed with.
And good thing I love his dog, too, because he slept with us.
As Chris would say, I'm percolating. With Bryan the 27 year old construction worker that likes Old Style and caramellos. Bryan. Finally. Here's to it going further than this. All this talk coming after a weekend that began with an idea that he was never going to talk to me again. Funny how shitty cellphone service can make you think someone doesn't like you. Thank goodness, then, I was at the gas station this weekend and he came in and smiled and yelled "what the hell are you doing here!?" and all the time I thought he knew I was coming home.
Blah
Blah
Blah
There's a man in my life and I'm excited, alright?
Don't read it if you don't want to, and who the hell reads this thing anymore anyways?
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[25 Aug 2007|01:15pm] |
i finally went out on a date with that boy i keep babbling on about.
bryan, is his name. i've been waiting and waiting for him to ask me out, but it took me a 'running after him like a movie scene' to ask him to hang out. he came in the store and we talked, i went outside and met his dog, we came back in, he left. the people i was training yelled "GO GET HIM!" and i went back and forth and finally said "fine. if he's still out there i'll ask him." and he was.
we were going to go out for drinks friday night, but he called and said his cold had gotten really bad and that we should hang out saturday night instead. i said okay that's fine whatever, but then called him back like two minutes later and said "hey. do you just want to watch a movie tonight? i'm still worn out from my chicago travels." and he said "yeah!"
so that was that.
it was a really good night. he was really crazy because he was so congested and sickly feeling, but it was really silly and fun. we might be going out for drinks tonight, otherwise we will next weekend before i start moving.
but now, i have to go sell the winning powerball ticket and enjoy my last night at work.
i'm pretty sad about it, but it'll be alright. hopefully bryan stops in, that would be love-lee.
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[22 Aug 2007|01:56am] |
i pissed off my mom
and
i dont feel like starting grad school.
in fact
i dont feel like doing anything but sleeping, ever.
also,
i sleep too much
and,
i have a lot of packing left to do.
i dont do it because i dont feel like it.
because i dont feel ready to start this chapter of my life yet.
somebody
help.
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| so many new things! |
[27 Jul 2007|12:19am] |
i got an apartment in edgewater.
it's pretty sweet.
i'm painting it this color: http://www.behr.com/behrx/colorsmart/colorByName.jsp?colorName=honeydew
i bought myself a macbook. it will be here tomorrow. [today.]
i'm very tired.
yesterday was my birthday.
it was alright.
i hope the year gets better.
i still work all the time.
grad school starts in less than a month.
then i'll finally be back home, in chicago.
come visit.
or.
come live with me.
in the cutest place of all time.
with a clawfoot bathtub.
and.
uh.
a big fat row of windows with big fat window sills and big fat flowers outside and the big fat beach two blocks away!
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[04 Jul 2007|11:57am] |
I have today, Thursday and Friday off.
I'm going up north with my family to our cottage.
I say that I'm looking forward to it when I'm really not.
I'd much rather hang out with my friends in Chicago.
That's why I'm driving myself up there rather than ride with my family, so I can leave if I can't take it anymore.
I've been so depressed lately. I need to have fun. I don't know the last time that I had fun up here. I've hung out with a few people here and there, but my community heart is struggling oh so much lately. I cannot handle being alone. Work doesn't help either. I don't really like most of the people that I work with, and I love pretty much all of our customers. It's a strange dichotomy.
I don't feel needed or worthwhile anymore. It's an awful sort of feeling.
Even my dog is pissing me off.
GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I don't care what day it is. It's just like any other.
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[21 Jun 2007|02:55am] |
BAHAHAHHA
I am:
8%
Republican. | "You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)" |
Are You A Republican?
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[20 Jun 2007|01:17am] |
I just re-read a bunch of my LJ from a year and a half ago.
I was so depressed. Why didn't anyone tell me that I probably needed help?
I still would date Josh from my photo class, but he's off and in love with his girlfriend again. I saw him at a gallery opening in early May in Chicago. His face lit up. I hugged him really tightly. I told him I missed him and meant it. Sometimes I have dreams about him. He's the only guy from Trinity I ever really really wanted to date and I never got to, instead we just flirted and talked and hung out and went grocery shopping and to the bank together.
I finally got to put the For Sale sign in the Corsica today. As we left the parking lot of my mom's store, I began to reminisce about all of the memories in that car. I've had it for four years. Lots of good time spent.
I'm having real trouble with the Jetta. It's been really rough for me pulling out in first from a stop. I keep snubbing it and every time I think I have the clutch figured out, I snub it again. I think I figured my problem out tonight after I made my mom drive around with me, but we'll see on my way into work tomorrow.
I'm at the point where I'm just really frustrated. Tonight with my mom after I kept snubbing it, I threw my hands up and almost started crying. "I feel like I'm taking a Chemistry test!", I yelled. I'm so used to learning something and understanding it right away, and when that doesn't happen, I get frustrated with myself and with the situation, and that happened tonight, and therefore made it even more difficult for me to pull out.
I'll get it. I'll be fine.
Why can't he just ask me for my number?
I'd give it to him. Gladly. Really.
I dont care that he's 26 or average.
I really miss having friends.
At least one friend would be nice.
I feel like I'm becoming socially awkward.
I literally work, sleep, and drive. And I talk to people at work and at home.
My insides are freaking out.
I think I'm really lonely, but I'm making myself be numb to it so I don't get depressed again.
Hurry up August, HURRY UP.
Darcy, I absolutely CANNOT wait to live with you!
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[15 Jun 2007|11:20pm] |
this weekend is going to be so long.
13 hours of work at two jobs each day.
AND
on top of it, the front brakes went out on my car this afternoon, so i had to drop it off at the mechanic's between jobs and take my mom's car to work. luckily my stepdad was in town and was able to give her a ride home.
and the worst part...
is that i'm getting the JETTA ON TUESDAY.
yes. four days. and i have to put new brake pads and rotors on the front of my car for four days of driving!!!
which i guess it's alright because then i'll just try to sell it for $100 more, but STILL. it SUCKS.
and i hate writing in all caps, but i was just SO PISSED.
case in point: i'm tired, grumpy, and therefore i'm going to bed.
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[10 Jun 2007|10:40pm] |
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did anyone else have a really awful weekend?
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[08 Jun 2007|12:42am] |
i wasn't tagged but i'm doing it anyways.
deal whiff it.
kay.
( i should be sleeping. )
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[06 Jun 2007|02:20pm] |
a night of bad dreams.
was camping with a bunch of my friends. darcy told me i was a f-ing bitch and that she never wanted to talk to me again. then chris scott proceeded to tell me that i'm annoying and that nobody really likes me anyways. then i tried to leave but couldnt find my suitcase and was just running around crying while everyone yelled at me.
next.
was at some conference thing for trinity up in northern michigan. turns out a cult kidnapped some of us at that conference. brainwashed us and paired us up with a boy. boygirl. boygirl. boygirl. everywhere you look. you had to socialize with only that person. they picked it so people would hate each other, not fall in love. turns out my boy was zach nelson, whom they didn't know was one of my friends. we had forgotten we knew each other, but had promised each other that we would make it out of that place alive and alright and not messed up. we ate potatoes and oranges and apples and secret pills every night for dinner. we followed dinner with two beers and everyone singing "You can call me Al" by Paul Simon. they told us that everyone in that area was "in" with the cult, so even if we escaped, no one would help us for miles and miles around. one night zach kissed me and then i figured out the secret of getting out. i went to the leader guys and told them all of the secret passwords i had remembered when he kissed me. after much deliberation, i got out, with zach and a bag full of potatoes and oranges. we ran and ran and ran. it seemed like the more we touched each other, the more we remembered about the real world, since we were paired up to hate each other and to be unhappy forever. we made calls to our families and learned we had been gone for over two weeks. we talked in code to them in case anyone was listening. they found us. we found the cult. let everyone free. punished the leaders. it was insanity. except zach and i freaked out if we weren't together, because we thought something bad would happen to the other person if we werent there for each other. i dont know what ended up happening. i woke up.
why do i dream things like this?
it was so intense!
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